Somebody wanted me to blog about the 'worst feeling ever'; so i guess i'm here to fulfil that person's request, out of respect. Because i know what that person's been through. I guess this will be more of an e-mail than a blog then.

But by no means does it mean that just because i blog about my opinion, it's correct. Coz everybody has a different stance on this i'm quite sure; pending on people's experiences. Yeah hartley, i'm pretty sure you're close to the worst feeling ever; being in that woop woop town..what's it called again? Adel-what? oh well. Come back soon damnit!

We digress.


Straight to the point, i think the worst feeling ever is suffering. Wait, i'm not done yet. Suffering is a general term. Suffering has many definitions. A few of them, "To undergo or feel pain and distress," "To sustain injury, disadvantage or loss," "To undergo a penalty; as of death."

As you can see, all of them are fairly negative; and the meaning of suffering varies widely upon context. I'm still going to use suffering as a collective term, because even the smallest suffering in the conditions i'm about to mention can inflict what i believe to be one of the worst feeling's in the world.

I guess this is saying alot because i also have a phobia for physical pain. I can stand alot of pain; but i just dont like it. I'm quite fearful of it actually; since i've never been shot, or stabbed in any severe places, nor even punched;though i have been kicked... i cant claim to know how painful these are, and if you'd like to find out you're probably going to have to ask somebody like a soldier. I'm assuming you mean emotional pain here, which is far more common. And on many levels? Just as painful, i'm sure - since both forms of pain can kill people.

I dont know who invented the saying, "Guns don't kill people , people kill people." but i do believe they were correct; and that saying also runs synonymous to what i'm about to tell you, of course; we're not talking about guns, we're talking about emotions. In that sense i guess the saying here will be, "emotions don't kill you, you kill you." Does that make sense? It occurs to me now that the meaning deviates a fair bit from the guns statement. But it runs parallel to my firm belief that any negative emotion can be overcome - given the correct solution.

Anyway, we digress again.


Suffering is ok. By itself, it's bearable, many forms of suffering are bearable. However, i do believe that one condition makes it alot worse. Suffering in silence. When you harbor a hurt, and you contain it, then sure; perhaps it's bearable depending on the extent of the hurt. But when you add to that, the fact that nobody knows that you're suffering; and that you can't tell people -or dont want to for any reason; it magnifies the hurt by a relatively significant amount.

There are times as a christian, i've seen people suffer in silence; and i know that they're suffering. And no matter how hard i've tried to reach out to them; no matter how hard their friends have tried to reach out to them; no matter how hard their parents have tried to help them - they still dont want to open up. You'd be mistaken if you called these people idiots - because while some, probably are; there are also some who do it out of consideration for others; because they dont want to trouble or distract or worry others.

And honestly; i feel most for those people. I can think of many of you who would say that rejection is one of the worst feelings. And to an extent, i would agree with you, rejection by a friend, a potential person you liked, to a much greater extent, society even? It must be horrible. But the fact remains that even if you're rejected, there will ALWAYS be somebody (excluding God) that will take you back. There will always be a loved one, there will always be a christian, maybe even a non-christian; that will be willing to forgive you. Perhaps i sound quite foolish when i say that, i don't claim to know. But i'd imagine it'd be correct to perhaps a certain extent.


When this picture was taken there was one person in it who was suffering. It's not me, by the way. And you'd be hard pressed to guess who it was.

Suffering with others; is something we all go through; it's a part of our growing and becoming a better person. The fellowship of suffering is referred to as the deepest level of fellowship you can show for a friend in Christ. This is true; and to be perfectly honest; i would almost be glad to suffer alongside a friend, if i knew that both of us would turn out better in the end.

The problem is that in the world today, friendships don't go so deep any more. There are more and more people suffering in silence. How many friends you know would stand up for you when things went horribly wrong? How many? By horribly wrong, i dont mean somebody close to you passing away. I mean something like if you completely lost your reputation with the people around you because of something you did. When everybody turns against you. How many would stand with you? Popularity; becomes irrelevant. And most of the friends you'd go and make in the world later will be the first to leave you if a situation as such arose.

As a christian; i'd expect the number of those type of friends you'd have to increase; although pardon me if i may say this; there are times where i'm surprised to find out that it doesn't. Well at least as a Christian; you're always One up on every non-believer. There's always Someone to stand for you when everybody else doesn't. You will always have at least One on your side.


When you suffer in silence; your mind WILL get the best of you. And you will begin to think thoughts, and assume conclusions that you shouldn't. You will cry out for help; only to find that something's preventing you from receiving it. You will feel as if the world is turning against you, as if your most beloved friends are leaving you. You will feel at times, that even God has abandoned you; you will find that you lose your home. Because wherever you go; so long as you're alone - you will suffer.

Does it sound bleak? Some may go, "bah, that's nothing." While the common response is to say,
"you say that now; but wait till you go through it yourself." I would not wish this on anybody i know, i really wouldn't. There are few people in my eyes that deserve to suffer in silence, if anybody. I honestly dont know how an unbeliever can go through suffering by themselves. In a way i quite respect that. In a way, it just shows me that God's love is amazing.


Somebody once told me life is a fight. I agree. Life is a fight; a struggle, a battle. On many levels; on the superficial level all the way down to the spiritual level. If you feel like you haven't struggled in life, then something is clearly wrong.

The reason why you fight? Now that is something that differs from person to person. Some people fight for money, some people fight for status, some people fight for the government, some people fight for their country, some people fight for God, some people fight for a god, some people fight for love. And so the list continues.

Me? You did, after all, ask me what i struggle for, why i fight.

I fight for my loved ones, the people i love; i fight for all my friends - especially my closest. I fight for God; which in a way, is also fighting to save a falling world isn't it. If i were to name people who i fought for most; i think there'd be 5 names on that list; including my parents, and my grandpa.

Why fight so hard, when you can live a happy, rich, and easy life? There is no such thing. Everybody will fight, as i said before; fighting for status - is also fighting for a reason.

And when do people fail? I believe people lose when they lose the reason they're fighting for. Because nobody wants to fight for no reason. A traitor is not somebody who fights for no reason; they are somebody who has changed the reason they are fighting. (and depending on your context, this could be quite a dangerous thing).

Bro, if you feel like you're fighting for no reason; look harder. Because there is always a reason you are fighting. Nobody can fight with no reason- it's pointless and it's impossible. If you didn't have a reason to fight, nobody would fight. If soldiers did not have a country to fight for, do you think they'd go risk their lives on a battlefield? If punks on the city streets did not have a reputation, or 'respect', to fight for, do you think they'd fight? If missionaries did not have a God to fight for, you think they'd risk their lives for no reason?

If anybody said yes, i'd love to hear your reason why. And i'm just as open to being proven wrong as anybody. I dont claim to be correct, anyway.

Your reason, and your motivation will determine the strength of your fight. Remember that, and keep searching until you find the reason you will fight your hardest for. Because fighting for yourself only will last so long.


and because fighting for your God, and those you love; and wish to protect is a much, much more eternally powerful reason.

Fin~