Heyy once again;

those that manage to look at the time, please dont scold me haha; i assure you i'm going to go to sleep straight after this. I just felt like blogging about something to straighten out my thoughts; which is usually all the time; so you people that liked to read all messed up thoughts haha, be my guest; but please dont come yelling at me if they dont make sense XD

uni's kept me pretty busy these days, i mean; i'm quite surprised that the workload i'm getting is actually a workload, and even though i work; sometimes i fall quite far behind and have to work even harder just to catch up. Most people assure me that i dont need to work so hard, but i cant see how it's possible to even get half of the assignments done on time, let alone most of them if i dont manage to work...like i am now?

I figure that the reason why i can be so tired is because i'm pushing myself too hard. i haven't really had much time for a break or anything, it's just been fully on the go go go sort of ....and with some different circumstances i guess i find myself in even more difficult situations in terms of time management and sacrificing some things for other things.

But you know, as long as my Source of strength is with me, then i guess i really cant go wrong can i? I guess i just have to keep pushing; hahaha, see what happens i guess.

Giving...that's something i've been thinking alot about lately. Especially in relationships, what does it mean to give? Like...i'm pretty sure we all know the common definition that is handing out something without necessarily receiving anything in return. But to give..why can it be so hard to give?

I think sometimes why i'm reluctant to give is because; well...sometimes i dont get anything back? and i know that sounds awfully self centered. But isn't it true? Can one just keep giving without receiving anything in return? CAN you actually keep complimenting a person when all you receive back is just a grunt and a "get lost"?

I think you can. In fact, i know you can. Especially if that person is a stranger.

But what if that person is closer to you, somebody you know, a good friend, a best friend, a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Can you continually give without expecting anything back in return? I, for one, think that it's alot harder to give without receiving in return from a closer relationship because of exactly that, the fact that it is an established relationship. but then i also understand that it depends on the reason for building that relationship in the first place.

I hate thinking about what i'm going to receive, but ...sometimes you just get tired of just giving. It's human nature. If there is one person on this planet that can claim to be able to give everything they have without receiving or expecting to receive anything back, they are either lying or going to die before the age of 30.

Or am i wrong? Maybe deeper down inside us there really is an almost Christ-like potential to be able to give all...one's life? For another. I've certainly seen it happen before. But is that extreme dedication or stupidity? Guess only the person who's given will ever know, and by then it's a bit late isn't it.

what if you give so much that it becomes detrimental to you..yet you still keep giving.

Is that Honorable or Stupid.

Then again, God...gave us His all didn't He? I'm sure He didn't have any reservations either, when He sent His son down. Considering that all He got at the time was a load of insults and the eventual death of His Son;...

but then again, dont we, as christians, in return praise Him now? doesn't He receive our praise?

But i guess....God doesn't need that. I'm sure He likes it, but He doesn't need it. He gave us eternal life at the expense of His son.

Now, in complete debt to Him, we give Him our all. We shouldn't be receiving anything back, because theoretically the equation is already balanced. But He still continues giving to us. After all that time..

Thank You, and you. and you.

i now know my answer.

But God; i am so tired.

Fin~

No matter where you go, oh; you will always know:
you have been made free in Christ
You are a child of Mine.